I Am Southpaw, Hear Me Roar....With Pain As I Just Got Punched In The Head!

An artist's depiction of me....they got fired!

Welcome to Fight Club

On Tuesday 12th July 2016 after a months delay, I finally found the wardrobe.  This wardrobe, much like the entrance to Narnia is the gateway to a whole new world for me, the world of competitive boxing.  Gathered around this portal were around 70 competitors of different sex, shapes, sizes and motivations.  Some to get fit, some to get strong, some to make their family proud and some there to just to rip someones head off.  All however were there to raise some money for charity.

Enter Week 01

Tuesday (Session 01/16)

My god was this a wake up call!  I have been pretty proud of myself since starting my pre boxing training.  Most weeks I have been training in the gym at 7am Monday to Friday, running 5k 2/3 times a week and also throwing in random real life exercise like decorating and training with ex-Marines.  I was pretty chuffed with myself, I had lost some weight and gained some muscle. I thought to myself Steve, you old dog.  You are fit.  You will smash this boxing challenge.  Boy, was I wrong!

It is clear that some folks have already decided that this challenge was not for them as the numbers had dropped to about 50.  Nothing wrong with that as I was about to find out.

Five minutes into the session I was knackered.  As a warm up they started us off on 2 minute rounds using High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT).  This was to simulate how it would feel to make it through a bout.

30 Second Star Jumps

30 Second Spotty Dogs

Repeat

30 Seconds Mountain Climbers

30 Seconds Plank

Repeat

30 Seconds Burpees

30 Seconds Running and Punching

Repeat

After one minute of rest we got into footwork drills.  How to stand, move and walk like a boxer.  No, this does not mean a swagger like Prince Nasem Hamed nor does it mean skittering along like a crab.  This is something I felt I was struggling with as it really does not feel natural.

After 20 minutes of bashing into one another we switched to learning to jab and cross, again with arms flailing in all directions it looked like a scene from The Beatles' Octopuses garden....

Finally to finish off and to give everyone an idea of what the last round of the fight would be like we did another set of HIIT.

With everyone gasping for breath during the warm down on the floor we were all reassured not to worry as there were still 8 weeks of training left.

I spent the next 45 minutes after this session wondering aimlessly around the chiller aisles in Morrison's pondering the up and coming weeks.

Thursday (Session 02/16)

This session started with the trainer reminding us that after today we were only left with 7 weeks of training and that we really needed to make the most of it as it would soon be fight night!!!!

Much the same as the Tuesday session we began with more of the ever so popular HIIT.  This then changed up into basic pad work and foot drills.  The frightening thing is that it is not the punch that was the most difficult, it was the holding up of the pads.  By the end of the session I felt certain that the gateway to the center of the earth (or hell itself) had opened up right smack bang in the middle of my shoulder muscles.

At the end of this session I made the conscious decision to employ the services of the lead boxing trainer for 1 to 1 coaching.

Saturday (Private Boxing Session 01)

I set a record that morning for the fastest time before I regretted getting out of bed.  I wasn't holding the stopwatch but I believe it was around the 2 minutes 33 second mark as I was just starting the next set of bear crawls along the mats.  But, I sucked it up and dragged myself along, through the drills, then into the realm of delusion as I went past the empty indicator on my gas tank as we headed into fitness and conditioning at the end.  The sadism of crash mat sprints left me with goose pimples (and concrete legs!).  All in all it was a great session.  I will leave you with my comments that I posted to the closed forum I am part of with my fellow trainees:

"Just to say a big thanks to Nayan for the early 1 to 1 session today. I want to say it was easy but I can't lie to you, it was tough. As much as I started to wonder after 5 minutes whether I should have just stayed in bed it was worth it a million times over. I thought after a bit of pre training before this camp it would be a walk in the park...however this week was a real eye opener in that I am nowhere near where I want or need to be and it will be a long road ahead. Nayan's session was hard but fair. He pushed me when I didn't think I had any more in the gas in the tank and encouraged me to keep pushing and made me realize that you can always achieve more with a bit of faith and grit. He gave me some great pointers on my stance and footwork and didn't get frustrated when I kept making beginner mistakes. It was nice to have that personal element to the training to work on your own weak points so you know where to put the practice in. I could not recommend Nayan's sessions enough. Do yourself a favor and get ahead with some 1 to 1s. Thanks again. (A very knackered but proud) Steve

PS I have never had such fun in my life when Nayan introduced me to crash mat sprints....if you take a training session ask for many minutes of this. 60 seconds is not enough fun"

So in summary, the first week was tough.  Very tough.  It left me feeling very under prepared.  As much as I enjoyed some of it, I could not help but to be brought back to times growing up when I was learning something new and challenging.  There is a certain amount of fear that comes with this territory as it is all very strange with a dose of danger and risk for good measure.  I find it very comparable to learning to drive.  You are multi tasking, using your limbs in an unnatural ways and there are constant dangers and distractions all around you.  But as with driving I am sure the payoff will be just as sweet at the end. (I fought really hard there not to make another comparison...those of you with a blue mind will probably have already made that connection ;-) )

Every time it gets too much and I am close to quitting and walking away, I just remember that for those individuals unlucky enough to be diagnosde with the terrible disease we are all raising money for, they must fight on.  You cannot walk away from cancer, you must walk on and forward and fight.  That is enough to make me feel ashamed of even considering quitting and motivates me to stare my (in comparison) tiny fear demon straight between the eyes.

Thanks for reading my latest take on life!

Steve

P.S I made Top fund raiser this week!  Thanks all!

P.P.S It turns out that I fight Southpaw.  Hopefully I can use this to my advantage ;-)

Flashback!.....Spiders, Car Crashes and Feeling Manly

This post may contain spiders.....

So, well, ahem.  Apologies for the radio silence to my likely single reader.  Life has been busy.  I have so much to catch you up on that I have forgotten most of it.

In summary:

1) I have lost 6.7KG so far since I started this blog.  In total this year I have lost over 10KG.

2) I have gone through 8KG of protein powder and 40 + chicken, bean and pea lunches

3)  It has been 74 days since I last had an alcoholic beverage

4) I have decorated the cupboard under the stairs, the guest room and cleared out the garage.

5) Someone decided to run into the back of my car which I subsequently sold.....

and replaced with the gang*mobile........

6) I had a week of annual leave and fell off the healthy eating wagon...then subsequently clawed my way back on

7) I am currently battling with the council and local college to cut back the jungle adjoining to my property before it takes over

8) My beard got way too long and has since been trimmed.  I was being mistaken for someone else....

9) I went to London and lived on a diet of meat products

NB, I left the breads!

10) One of my best friends and his wife came back to visit from Texas and we had a good catch up!

That's about it for now.  My next post will discuss the start of the 8 week training program to prepare for my bout on the 10th September.

Thanks for reading my latest take on life!

Steve

P.S

11) I also got a power saw to make stuff!

A Political Interval....LEAVE or REMAIN? It doesn't matter, you can still donate ;-)

"Whatever you voted, it doesn't change your ability to donate"

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Stephen-Milton

After many weeks of campaigning from both sides, celebrities and those prominent in the spotlight spinning their views and subsequent crap storm created across social media land, the UK woke up this morning to the news that the UK is to leave the EU.

After taking up this challenge for reasons I have previously explained, I really think people are starting to loose focus on the important things in life.

Regardless of whether people agree with the result or not, ask yourself, have you woken up this morning facing your own mortality? Have you woken up to a family member no longer there? 

For some people across the world this is sadly true, so in the grand scheme of things the whole referendum and the who is wrong and who is right debate will be taking a back seat.  Remember, whatever happens the world still turns.  You have to fight to survive, fight for what you believe in.  You have to "DO" to make a change.  If people gave up every time things didn't go their way we would not get anywhere.

Either way, the Earth wouldn't care.  The sun will still shine, the night will still come and the whole cycle will start again the next day.

We achieve great things by working together, be that together in the EU or together out outside of it.  We have not lost the ability to help and and support one another overnight.  As individuals this does not change us.  We still have free will to do good.

A great read is Join Me: The true story of a man who started a cult by accident by Danny Wallace. 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Join-Me-Story-Started-Accident/dp/0091895820

The general philosophy of the Join Me movement revolves around Random Acts of Kindness (RAK).  This started out as an encouragement to commit a RAK every Friday however this soon transpired to any day of the week or whenever you can.  Why be confined to being kind and supporting your fellow person on a Friday?  Nothing changes from day to day, there is nothing stopping anyone supporting their fellow persons.  Therefore the result of this referendum does not stop this either.

My Grandma is always speaking of the days growing up in a community where service sharing was common place.  It was not a catastrophe if a young couple with little money were expecting a baby.  Your community would be there for you.  Your best friend would help with your cleaning, your next door neighbor would share their food if you were short, Doreen's husband would fix your mangler if it broke.  People were there for you.  Therefore, when the lady across the street had her 8th child, you would help with her cleaning, you would babysit the other children and give them your baby's hand me down clothes.  No expectation to the exchange of money, just friendship and a genuine willingness to help, knowing that you could count on others to return the favor when you were in need.

Now this utopia may no longer be realistic, the unfortunate reality of our current climate is that we do need money to get by.  However there is nothing stopping us hailing back to as my Grandma puts it, "The good ol' days."  We haven't lost the capacity to be nice and look out for one another.

As usual I have rambled on, but I hope you get the general consensus of my point.  I will leave you with my comment to all the bickerers on Facebook.

Thanks for reading my latest take on life!

Steve

P.S

Regardless of how people voted, lets all keep it intellectual and respectful. Everyone's vote deserved to be a personal choice. Let's face it, those in the limelight will have voted to support their own agenda regardless of their stance of in and out, so why is it wrong that the public do the same?

What has really saddened me is the stooping to name calling and accusations, stereotyping the voters of both camps. How is that helpful? It basically amounts to name calling, sticks and stones; none of which is going to help the future of our country.

Whichever way the result were to go there was going to be fallout, there were going to be successes and there were going to be failures.

The decision has now been made so please all stop being childish name calling, goading losers with "sour grapes" and winners with "I hope you are pleased with yourself, you just wait to see."

Deal with the decision and work together to make our country succeed whatever it takes. Help your fellow persons, give and receive in kind and generally treat others how you expect to be treated yourself. Support one another.

To all the LEAVE voters, you made this happen so stick to your guns and show the REMAIN camp why you cast your vote and prove you can make it work.

To all the REMAIN voters, don't be hypocritical. You said a vote to LEAVE was giving up on the EU. Now things have not gone your way, practice what you preach and don't give up on the UK.

I think you will find that if you asked both camps to list the top 5 issues that concerns them in the UK right now, I am sure there would be some overlap. The question you need to ask yourself is how do we fix the issues raised in that overlap. That is how we can all work together for a successful future.

Sensible comments welcome, no more rubbish mudslinging.

Ticketing Information - Get Your Tickets Reserved ASAP before they sell out!

"Don't miss your chance to witness me getting punched in the noggin'!"

Hi All,

This post is a FYI in order to organise tickets for the Ultra White Collar Boxing Event I am taking part in. 

I have to purchase the tickets in advance in order to meet my quota therefore all ticket sales need to be via myself.

There are two tiers of tickets:

£500 (£50pp when split between the 10 seats) VIP Table - These are early entry, ringside seats, waitress services all night and includes a 2 course meal.

£20 Standing Tickets

I have to purchase the tickets in blocks so I really need to know who is coming and what tier you would like.

I have to purchase at least one table, however if there is enough interest I will purchase another if I can fill it.

I really appreciate everyone's support and it would be super awesome if you could be there on the night as it means we will be raising even more money to 'Smash Cancer In The Face!'

So I would be really grateful if wish to attend that you contact me ASAP to let me know if you would like a Table Seat or a Standing ticket.  Also let me know how many tickets you would like and who they are for.  As you would expect, I will be creating a spreadsheet.  I bloody love spreadsheets.

Below is UWCB Event FAQ:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dress Code
We operate a VERY strict dress code policy - Minimum Shirt, Tie, Trousers and Shoes for the Men. Evening dresses for ladies, or suitable smart trousers and a blouse.
No Jeans, Trainers, Chinos, Leggings, Checked Shirts or Scruffs. Please Dress to impress.

Are there ID requirements or an age limit to enter the event?
Yes you must be 18 or over to enter one of our events ID May be requested on the door.

Is my registration/ticket transferable?
No, Tickets are not transferable

Do I have to bring my printed ticket to the event?
There will be a list at the door, which will include the names of people who have purchased online, please bring your mobile so that we can check your online ticket.

What is the refund policy?
We do not offer any refunds and tickets are non transferable.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you have any further questions, feel free to drop me a line :-)

Cheers

Steve

*IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT* - CHANGE OF DATE TO 10/09/16

Apologies! 

Hi All, 

Just a quick update.  I have been notified by the Ultra White Collar Boxing team that due to a clash in fixtures with the Leicester City Vs Arsenal game on the original date of the 20th August, the boxing event has now been moved back.

The new date for the event is Saturday 10th September 2016

Apologies to all those who have been good enough to make plans in advance.  I ask kindly that you all amend the date in your diaries and still please come to support me and the great cause :-) 

Kind Regards

Stephen Milton

I got the DOMS, I got the DOMS....Terror at 4:45am

OK, so this maybe the shortest post yet however this does not constitute the weekly update.

Right, so it is currently 4:45am and I have woken up and rats have eaten their way through my lower spinal cord, entered my legs and now proceed to be having 90s style light switch raves in my limbs.  They are franticly dancing, to a beat beyond the pace of hard house, techno or GABA. In fact they have invented a whole new genere of club music which is too fast to become mainstream. As they conga through my coronary carriers they are nibbling at the electronics that is my central nervous system sending my own legs into a mental frenzy of a non standard display of physical showmanship, almost like I am performing a mating ritual to the ceiling light. I am a puppet to their agenda, flipping and flopping at their mercy.

After entering the search terms "symptoms of certain death" and "what happens if a rat eats it's way into my body,  could I catch herpes?" It turns out a have what appears to be Acute DOMS or Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness.

Well whoever came up with that acronym needs to be put into a tank with 1000 bubonic rats and smeared with peanut butter. Nothing kinky about that but they clearly do not know what they are talking about!

In retrospect yesterday's boot camp wasn't a mistake and has made me think 1) I can work harder and 2) I can achieve more. 

I may write more on this experience later on today if the rats ever leave and I can crawl my way to my computer. Typing this on a phone really sucks. As does sitting in bed as straight as a board, unable to move with the evil rat King tormenting my insides.

Thanks for reading my latest take on night (think of it as a low budget spin off of Life)

Steve

P.S Arrraghhh! The rats have made their way North! So long groin :-(

Muscle Mind Connection.....and other psudo-science babble

Get To Work Bicep!

So WTF is Mind Muscle Connection (MMC)?

Theory 1:

So I am told MMC can help with exercise, specifically when weight training, more specifically to assist with super sick awesome sweet gains.  The idea being that when you lift a weight you are working on a primary muscle group, yet these are supported by a secondary muscle group (a bit like my belt supporting my trousers and my Buddha belly supporting my belt?...maybe?).

So when a bro is channeling poor MMC, their secondary muscle group is providing too much support for the primary muscle group, therefore hindering the aforementioned super sick awesome sweet gains.

In conclusion, by focusing your mind on the primary muscle group and visualizing the muscle fibers working together to lift that weight, the secondary muscle group will only work in a fashion as to stabilize the primaries meaning you WILL achieve super sick awesome sweet gains AND be super smug in knowing that you used (psudo)SCIENCE to prevail.  BOOM! You are a real gym bro.

Ipso Facto, by the logic of the science behind MMC anything can be 'thought away' or 'thought gained' by MMC.  Disease, addiction, erectile dysfunction?

Theory 2:

Bulls*it?

In other news this week....

I have to say that this week has gone much better than the last.  The 'gains' have been sweeter, the runs have got easier yet the tuna and cottage cheese has got viler!  A quick poll of my office reveled that people would rather eat out of a bin than eat cottage cheese.  However to be respected in the international Bro-dom you have to eat cottage cheese, think of it as a membership criteria.

I did try cottage cheese and tuna fishcakes which I have say was a pretty good win.  However they are not suitable for lunch due to the long preparation time.  

I was shunned after my cottage cheese, tuna and sugar free toffee syrup experiment and Big Bad Joe's in office fish steaming did not go down well with the other staff.  

Therefore, I welcome any suggestions to make cottage cheese taste better, answers on the back of a postcode (or in the comments will do).

Meal of the week

I do love to cook however it is now a challenge not to employ the Holy Trinity of Badness (Salt, Sugar and Fat -  this trio when employed together is guaranteed pleasure on a fork!  However think of them like Captain Planet's Planeteers, although rather than summoning the head of the Green Party, they give you a stroke instead).  

I remember once making a dish for a pot luck night to which everyone who ate was like, "Man this is awesome!  What is in it?"  My reply being Cheese, Chilli, Meat, Seafood, Caramelized Onions With Brown Sugar and your weekly allowance of salt....your life span is now 2 years shorter....sorry :-S  Also, Nitz, I put beef* in it, you are going to die two years younger and then come back as a fly.  Sorry my Hindu friend.  Bummer.

This week however I was very restrained (as much as I can be when I follow a recipe in that I get bored/inspired after the first ingredient and put everything else that was not in the recipe into the mix and none of the things that were).  I made fresh lamb kebabs as an homage to the Classic 2am treat "The Doner Kebab."  Thank you Nitz for the inspiration for this one, your years of dedication to the Atkins diet paid off :-P

In a nutshell:

1) Mix your lamb mince with the herbs/spices of your choice then add lemon juice

2) Compact the mix in bowel into a tight ball

3) Roll the mix out into a thin layer about the thickness of a slice of Doner (allowing for fat/water to escape from the meat)

4) Grill on the highest setting until browning then flip over

5) Flip back and forth returning to the grill until you have the consistency/grilled-ness (is that a word) to your liking (as long as it is cooked it's up to you!  But don't give yourself food poisoning.  If you do, you are an idiot!).  I like it crispy at the edge.

6) Slice the cooked meat into strips with a Pizza knife Serve with flat-bread, salad, chips, whatever the hell you want!

7) Shovel it into your big gob, you deserve it bro after your sweet MMC this week.

Right, so that is it for today's post.  I feel like I am forgetting something but I think that is enough rambling for now.

As always, the sick gains page has been updated, check them our here.  Smashed it this week with a 2.4KG loss.  I am feeling like a real gym bro now!

Again, if you are yet to donate to the cause, please do, the Just Giving link is:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Stephen-Milton

Be sure to come back to for more brick-a-brak and vocal tat next time.

Thanks for reading my latest take on life!

Steve

P.S Big Bad Joe is not just a PT, he is a talented puppeteer too!  Make of it what you will....

P.P.S *(star) - the dish did not really contain Beef Nitz!  That was for comical exaggeration.  Beside's such a good friend as you will be coming back as something glorious!  Suggestions....?