Big Boys Don't Cry At Moths.....Freeze Spray, Ibuprofen and Lobster Claws

Lobster Claw Mittens, yes they are a ting!

Well, after a busy and unhealthy start to my week of annual leave, Tueday's session fast loomed on the horizon.  The company of old friends and young nippers made it rude not to partake in the festivities of curry, crisps and fish and chips over the long weekend.  So much so that during a trip to the zoo I was mentally calculating the protein content of all the animals we saw, trying to fathom out which would be the most beneficial to my boxing and eating regime. Wrong I know but I blame the painkillers and throbbing ache in my power hand for clouding my judgement and prompting these disturbing thoughts.  I am a great believer that the body craves what it needs to grow and heal; milk for bones and teeth, starchy pasta dishes for energy, red bull for the morning after and clearly some sort of forbidden zoo meat for muscle growth.  The closest I got however was a horrible moth flying almost in my mouth in the butterfly tent.  I bloody hate them!  They remind me of dirty old men in dusty jackets.

The Standardised Moth Equation:

One Moth....+

.....One Dirty Old Man....

= One Bad Moth-a-f**ker!

Anyhow, I digress....

Tuesday (Session 11/16)

Due to work, Nayan unfortunately had to cancel our 1 to 1 session on Tuesday which gave me a little more time to....become immobilized, stiff and slow.  I spent the extra time doing rubbish odd jobs which inevitably get left until you are off work.  Unfortunately these were all computer based which meant couch slouching and bad posture.

The session itself (I am struggling to remember now as I have been too busy to write this blog when I should have done!) went OK and consisted of some repeat drills and sparring matchups.  Moving onto 2 minute rounds this provided good experience to what it would be like on the night.  Again, as far as I remember it was a mixed kettle of fish with me leading at times and being pummeled at others.  Note to self, be consistent.

Thursday

(Private Session 07)

This was a session slightly different.  We worked off the mats with our trainers on due to other classes going on at the same time.  It felt good to practice what we had learnt in trainers as that will be very much akin to what it will be like on the night.  As my wrist had been progressively getting more sore we kept it light and slappy.

James and I again worked together on drills and sparring.  This was the first time we introduced uppercuts into the mix, a great shot especially to take advantage to those who have a habit of leaning in at times, myself included!  The work we did here really helped improve my technique in creating angles and openings rather than just boxing head on.

(Session 12/16)

Another one of Fais' mix and match classes.  We beasted the standard cardio to start with and powered straight into sparring.  I felt a surge of dread as I was faced off with a bloke called Martin. 

Now I mean no disrespect to Martin if he is reading this - Hi Martin! He is a fantastic bloke who is super friendly, has time for everyone, he is funny, complimentary and from what I am told will get you a great deal on a used car!  I had a great conversation with him the other day about my inconsistent golfing ability and the cruise industry.

However, back to my original point.  Martin looks scary, he has the build of a heavy set bouncer, a traditional Leicester accent and owns a garage.  My book cover judging skills and stereotyping ability went into overdrive.  I had drilled with him briefly in week two and he was wild.  He scared the hell out of me.  However when matched up I tried to remember all that I had learnt and from the safety of my keyboard, in my tartan pyjamas and fluffy slippers....I felt I wiped the floor with him.  There.  I said it.  

To Martin's credit he paid me some great compliments about my fighting skill which was great to hear.  The thing we both had in common is that we knew our mistakes.  We were able to talk each other through how to avoid these weaknesses and play on our strengths.  Knowing Martin's secret weapon I think he will be a tough opponent on the night.  All the best Martin and I hope to share a beer with you afterwards.

After this ego trip I was promptly brought back down to earth by someone who I have not yet spoken to, yet I assumed with their well groomed meterosexual haircut that they would be a piece of cake.  It was not to be for me :-(  He battered me.

To top it all off, not wanting to let my pride go I pushed too far past the pain in my wrist for the final HITT cardio that I knackered my wrist to the point I had to miss out on both weekend sessions.  Idiot!

The rest of the weekend was a blur of surprise parties, BBQs and cake...lots of cake.  I am not normally a eater of cake, especially birthday cake.  Yet for some reason this weekend I went cake crazy!

Well, that brings me to the end of this long, rambling post.  Thanks for reading my latest take on life!

Steve

P.S This week in order to alleviate my wrist pain I have been constantly spaying myself with a freeze spray which only really seems to have resulted in me smelling like the breath of one of your grandparents who insists the cure to all of life's ills and diseases is cherry flavored cough drops.  I then found this video.  I am sure that this device's freeze effect would be much more potent....

Clarity Sets In...One Blooded Glove and the Pony Club of Pain (BONUS: Memoir of a Nipple Ring)

"Did I get clipped?"

Enter Week 05

Tuesday (Session 09/16)

So this Tuesday session with Nayan marked the start of the second half of the training program.  We began by adding the Body Hook to our repertoire.  This was something I really struggled with.  I put it down to my awful flexibility and hip movement.  I also could not get my brain to comprehend that I needed to get my fist to impact thumb up rather than having my hand connect horizontally.  This is something I made a mental note to work on during the week.

The second part of the session we moved back onto sparring.  We were split into two groups, <=84.9KG and >85KG.  Due to odd numbers I was asked to drop to the lower weight group for that session.  Being 85.3KG this gave me a bit of a weight advantage to the lower in the class.  In all honesty this was a good ego boost as I felt that those I was partnered with were not quite matched in my ability so it gave me a good opportunity to spot weaknesses and practice taking advantage of gaps and openings.

Thursday (Session 10/16)

After the elation that I felt after Thursdays class, this session ended slightly differently.  If my ego was a balloon it was well and truly deflated by some of the punches that caught me.  It did not help that the day previous I injured my left wrist striking the heavy bag in the gym with a poorly formed body hook.  

Fais and Nayan split us down further into what I understand will be the final weight classes <79.9KG, 80.0KG to 89.9KG and 90KG+.  Having dropped from 96.6KG in January down to 85.3KG I fell smack bang in the middle of the 2nd weight category.  Looking at my potential opponents, I had already sparred with a couple and was nervous to see a few more that I had not, apprehensive knowing their abilities.

Fighting in the heavier weight category definitely felt more difficult yet there are a wide range of abilities and fitness levels in the group so I am sure there will be a challenging yet fair match up for me. 

The conclusion of this session was 3 rounds of 2 minutes with the alternating non fighters spending 2 minutes in between doing a wall based squat for the round in between.

ROUND 1: This I felt was reasonably evenly matched.  We both traded a number of punches going at a steady pace.  Where I landed a larger number of head shots my opponent caught me out numerous times with body blows

ROUND 2: My second opponent had a similar build to me yet I felt their punches had much more power behind them.  Even though I was able to defend them I was struggling with the counter and felt that I quite clearly lost the round with the few shots that cleanly hit their target.

ROUND 3: This round was a bit of a nightmare for me.  The guy was much taller, I estimate 6" 1' to my 5" 6' frame.  He was leaner and more flexible too.  His long reach and tall guard meant I struggled to connect both my jabs and body shots.  The underdevelopment of my hooks meant I was often left open to the right.  This flaw in my battle plan resulted in a downward 'Hammer of Thor' punch to the bridge of my nose resulting in a minor bleed.  My only solace came right at the end with a feigned left body hook which I followed with an over hand right to connect with his jaw, albeit lacking in power to do too much damage.  Man, boxing can be tough!

"One drop nose bleed...must keep my guard up!"

Saturday

(Private Session 05)

Today I once again worked with Nayan and James, playing off each others weaknesses to improve our own skills.  One thing we both needed to improve on was the counter.

Nayan had us throwing flurries of between 2 and 8 punches to which when we spotted a gap we were to counter.  This was great in getting us to really think about how we could turn a defensive situation around so that we were on the offensive.

We also did a lot of work on body shots and body hooks, then progressing onto head hooks.  We began to string together a conveyor of combos, with Nayan pointing out where a punch thrown was likely to drive your opponent.  This school of thought I felt really helped me to begin to spot the gaps in the defense, predict opponent behavior and therefore plan my strikes accordingly.

By the end of the session I managed to catch James with 2 body shots and a great left hand body hook.  Although I felt terrible at winding my training partner I was secretly smug I managed to pull off at least one clean body hook without looking like I was bending down to cuddle a dwarf!

(Extra Group Session 04)

"Fais' Pony Club Of Pain!"

Taken by Fais, Master of Pain, this session began with some hard hitting abdominal work.  We then moved onto many rounds of Chest to get loosened up and prepared for sparring.  The session ended with more technical open sparring but concentrating on landing specific shots.  For example, one round it was the double jab, another round it was a body hook.

This session of sparring was a mixed bag.  Again, fighting both in and out of my weight category I at least got to experience different styles of fighting and abilities.  I felt that I was able to hold my own in many of the match ups but I also took a fair number of hits.  The worst being in the only place that the head guard will not protect you from, right in the kisser.  Thank god for the mouth guard as I am certain I would have lost some teeth from that jaw rattler.  Again, I at least managed to finish the round strong with a right body hook and a left cross to the jaw. 

Sunday (Private Session 06)

For this session I was joined by no other than Joe "Salt N" Pinnegar himself and Karl Byrne.  As this was the 5th session of the week and I had an injured wrist, Nayan kept the session solely technical, initially working on stretching and reflexes to aid our development.

For the latter part of the session Nayan worked us through combo and offensive drills designed to take advantage of common defense strategies.  Working at a slow speed really helped to nail the footwork and make sure we did not loose our composure, stance or grounding.  A completly different yet worthwhile session all round.

So from this week I am hoping that I have learnt some lessons, corrected some bad habits and fingers crossed acquired some tips and tricks to put into play net week during the match making sessions. 

As always, thanks for reading my latest take on life

Steve

P.S It was with great sadness that I had come to the conclusion that I was going to have to remove the nipple piecing I had done as part of an agreement with a group of university friends over a decade ago.  I feel it is the last reminder of the stupidity of youth and how impulsive you can be in your teenage years.

"19 year old me the day I had my nipple pierced"

Removing the ring which has grown into being a part of your body for over a third of your lift is no mean feat....getting it back is even harder.  Looking at that malformed, poor excuse for a nipple minus the jewelry is just plain sad.  It is like chips without the dip, tea without biscuits and Paul without Barry in the Chuckle Brothers.  My nipple needs it soulmate.

Feeling sorry for me and not wanting me to have my midlife crisis too early, my wife went out and bought me a new piece of metrosexual nipple bling which is easier to get in and out without making my raisin resemble an angry albino mole rat.

I now have a happy nipple again in 2016!

I'll Take You To The Candy Shop.....Haribo, Maoam and Shame

Candy!!!!!!!

Enter 04

Tuesday (Session 07/16)

I am going to be honest with you.  This was a bad bad day.  Work had been a little hectic for everyone and two of my staff decided to break their own healthy eating plans and bring a load of sweets into the office.  Caught off guard, my willpower being weak that day, I took the bait and started to get involved.  Racked with guilt from eating most of their sweets, I went to the shop and bought another 4 big bags of sweets, a family bag of Walker's ready salted and some Wasabi glaze popcorn, only to get involved all over again!  Weak!  I then proceeded to have 4 tuna and cheese sandwiches on the forbidden savory fruit that is white bread, along with another bag of crisps.  I was OUT OF CONTROL!!!

That night's session at boxing was truly atrocious.  I was slow, achy, I had bowels with a mind of their own and a terrible headache even before the blows I suffered due to the poor dietary choices I had made that day.  We had our first open sparring session that day consisting of 60 second rounds and I was punched in the face in every single one.  My fat chubby little fingers too slow and preoccupied with the energy exerted from the afternoon's sweet picking to clench and raise my fists to guard my food stained mug.  I left truly defeated, both physically and mentally.

Thursday (Session 08/16)

Thursday's session was much much better.  Purged from the toxins ingested during my glutenous mania on Tuesday I had much more energy and my performance was much much better.  Nothing new was added to the repertoire this session and we concentrated on bringing everything together and making sure everything we did was done at the highest quality.  Punches being straight, fast at maximum reach.  Defense was tight, quick and steadfast.  We also drilled the footwork to make sure everyone's stance and movement supported their attacks and retreats.

We finished the session again with some sparring and I shocked myself (and Joe) with a well timed double jab catching him with the second punch right square on the nose. We were both a little stunned.  Myself from what was probably the best attack I have made so far and even without full power behind the punch, what the impact can be.  And Joe, well he was shocked at being smacked in the face (he did get his revenge about 5 minutes later).  We both learnt that night how imperative it is to keep that guard up no matter what.

Saturday 

(Private Session 04)

This week guest starred James Molotoks, a fellow UWCB.  Nayan brought him to help analyse my skill set and what I had learnt so far.  This I found was a very conductive way of learning and a nice break from the terror of facing a vastly experienced Nayan in sparring.  We drilled defense followed by counters which is something that I am hoping to improve my speed on.  It was nice to work with someone who was able to exploit my weaknesses to help me improve but also had weaknesses of their own that I could target.  It felt like a very authentic experience.

(Extra Group Session 03)

Ran by Fais this week we started with the usual cardio before working on speed training.  We did footwork and straight punch drills weighted with dumbbells and cables.  After 10 minute of what felt like punching with concrete limbs through custard we were freed from our chains and shadow boxed to commands.  Weight free I felt like I was punching fast.  Bruce Lee fast.  This again was a really educational drill.  I left the session feeling pretty good.

We are now officially half way through, only 4 weeks until bout day!

Thanks for reading my latest take on life

Steve

P.S Feeling sad and deflated after Tuesday I decided to take some bro pics to cheer me up....

Chess Or Chest?....Mind Games and Face Shaves

Checkmate?

Enter Week 03

Tuesday (Session 05/16)

So after another killer cardio weekend with Nayan, it is back to Faisal.  This week he decides to mix it up a bit by stepping up the pace...it's time for Faisal's "Kill You" Cardio (not to be confused with Nayan's Killer Cardio), a set of what is seemingly endless HITT exercises.  Once everyone is suitably knackered we are back onto the drills.  We are working more on our defence again, perfecting the parrying and bettering our blocks, all whilst moving and shaking, keeping our form and our power.  I had some great practice with Joe who gets the need to throw realistic punches, not the simulated type which stop 2cm from your face. Those of which I am guilty of myself as I have a natural instinct NOT to punch a fellow human in the feature plate.  I like to think of these friendly British punches as those I image an English Gentleman to throw as they never really land.  It's all posturing.

Manly Slang From The 19th Century (Click Me)

These are mighty unhelpful, as when you have one finally land on your clock due to a poorly executed block, you are truly not prepared...and it makes you look like an idiot when you jump out of your skin and roll all over the floor!  So at this point, I would like to thank Joe for well and truly trying his best (and succeeding multiple times) to crack the melon when throwing his punches.  You may not be a member of British Aristocracy, but you are a great training partner.

We ended the session by being introduced to a little game call Chess (and Chest?).  The premise of this game is that you occupy a single floor mat square whilst your partner occupies the adjacent square.  It is then the task of the opponents to reach over and tweak one anothers nipples* as many times as they can in 60 seconds.

*actually you were supposed to see how many body shots you could score, but from my position at the end of the mats, doing 60 seconds of press ups as I didn't have a partner, this is what it looked like.  We did  3x60 seconds rounds of this

We ended the session...but wait, didn't you say it ended with Chess/Chest/The Nipple Game?  Well I thought it did, but it appears that as well as being a decent trainer, Faisal can run the ol'half truths as well.  We ended the session with more HITT :-(  It was after this and being (unbelievably) even more sweaty than the previous week that I decided that.....

....the beard had to go!  It was like a tog 1,000000 duvet on my face!

.....alas, my fears were realized.  Without the beard, my strange shaped head becomes more noticeable!

Thursday (Session 06/16)

This session was taken by Nayan and again provided a refresher to what we had learned so far....but not before a HITT session to rival Faisal's!  These guys have a rivalry to...errm...rival Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant, except their beef is with us as the competitors and that they are tag teaming the group with their wicked workouts, each crazier than the last!  Today Nayan introduced one armed press ups.  Enough said.

Again, we concluded the session by playing the nipple game, except this time it went for 8 rounds of 30 seconds.  It was as I was coughing up a lung after this torturous test of stamina that I realized that the total time playing the game was only 4 minutes.  That is only HALF of the time of what the actual bout on fight night will be.  Man, I need to step up my game.  I also need to avoid punching people in the nuts (as I almost did) wildly punching at the end.  It was a close call and the chap was actually pretty nice about it considering I almost committed treason by swiping at his crown jewels.  In my defence, he was quite a lot taller than me and his crotch was in an elevated position.  Apologies.  I am done with the crotch talk now.

Saturday 

(Private Session 03)

This session started pretty well.  We did some good punching and moving drills until I pointed out that I found myself closing my eyes when covering (not something that is strongly advised when avoiding the rolling punches).  In order to condition me not to do this, Nayan advised me that he was going to throw the flying fists of fury at me and then at random intervals show me a target for me to hit.  This meant I had to always be watching behind my flimsy letterbox of defense for that open target.  Again, this went well to start with up until the point of repeating the exercise more than once in a row.  He would punch, I would block, I would see the target and punch.  I would then be happy that I had hit said target and raise my hands with glee.  He would then punch me in my now undefended stupid face.  I would be sad.  We then worked with something that could't punch me back, the heavy bag.

Working the bag, the routine was to cover from Nayan's stick attack (he would swot at me with a broom handle) of which I was to defend by covering and ninjaing back.  I was then to spring forward and counter the hapless bag.  At this point my rear leg had all but given up and if it wasn't cemented in place causing me to perform a very inelegant split routine, it was dragging behind me like one of the undead antagonists in Robert Kirkman's comic books.  I was done.  I finished the session deflated even in the light of Nayan's praise.

(Extra Group Session 02)

After a quick 5 minute breather it was back on for another 60 minutes of training.  Over to Faisal and more cardio.  This session actually lifted me somewhat as we played some more of the Nipple game and I actually managed to score a fair few points.  I also managed to win us a few rounds of sprints :-)

Well, now I am caught up and I am about to head off to the 1st session of week four.  At the end of this week I will be officially halfway though and most likely less than a quarter way prepared.

Thanks for reading this week's take on life

Steve

P.S You didn't think I would shave off that dirty face rug without some intermediate pictures did you?

The Hillbilly Convict

The Mutton Farmer's Dating Profile Picture

This one actually creeps me out....

The Wet Look....Sweat Head!

Me when I am mentally preparing to exercise

Enter Week 02


Tuesday (Session 03/16)

To be honest, I had started to dread this session after the killer that was the first personal training meeting on Saturday.  However after a brief respite on Sunday it wasn't half bad and I threw myself straight back into it.  Weirdly I seem to be meeting only people with names of those in my office.  So far I have met a Martin and a Joe (makes life easier I suppose if I start to develop amnesia caused by repeated head blows)

Different to last week, this session was taken by Nayan so true to his style that he demonstrated on the Saturday this session was very cardio heavy.  We went over old ground of the classic jab and cross however started to move onto defensive drills of blocks and parrys.

Thursday (Session 04/16)

This session was taken by the mighty Faisal.  This session focused upon building on what we had learnt so far.  We also tested each other's stance by whacking each other from side to side with our gloves, a bit like the duel event in gladiators.  This session wasn't any easier though, especially given the state of my gym attire at the end of the session.....

Notice the tiny dry part of my shirt in the bottom right hand corner...eugh!

Saturday 

(Private Session 02)

A slightly less brutal training session from Nayan today (however as I was to find out, he was saving Nayan's Killer Cardio until the group session an hour later!) as so not to kill me dead for the group session to follow after.  In this session Nayan helped me to get my footwork right, improving and correcting my stance, as well as honing my jab, cross and blocks.  I already feel some improvement to my basic boxing ability.

(Extra group Session 01)

And so back to Nayan's killer cardio!  A great session as there were only 11 of us so we all got lots of  1 to 1 help during the drills.  We finished this session in true brutal fashion with a fitness test:

1) Squarts

2) Burpees

3) Press Ups

4) Mountain Climbers

We did 60 seconds of each and noted down our numbers with the intention of redoing this in the 6th Saturday session to compare our results.

That's all for this week.  I have to confess, due to an insanely busy few week, I am behind on my blog so I am stretching my memory back!

Will try harder next time ;-)

Thanks for reading last week's take on life :-)

Steve

P.S I didn't punch myself in the face this week!